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This decision to move abroad was nearly a year in the making, and yet it felt extraordinarily surreal.
I spent my last 2 weeks before moving to Auckland at countless happy hours, going away and birthday parties, and even a last-minute camping trip. There are so many people in Seattle that I love and that I will miss.
But there are some strange realities of leaving for an extended period of time.
Your friendships will look different when you return
I walked away from some relationships for good, but also away from some that were just beginning to bloom. I have some relationships that could last without seeing each other for 5 years. Others are more fickle. The novelty of having left will wear off and things will change. Its human nature I suppose.
Saying ‘Goodbye’ was easier than I expected
I don’t mean that to sound heartless. But as I mentioned above, I am fully aware of what leaving means. I have no doubts that my ride-or-dies will still be there for me, even if I didn’t return for 5 years. Those bitches are stuck with me forever. But I didn’t have this gut wrenching feeling of sorrow that I was expecting. I just felt excitement (and exhaustion). Because no matter what, the time I spent with these people was beautiful.
Let’s be honest though, I still cried when I said goodbye to my mom at the airport.
My home isn’t really my home anymore
The PNW will always be my home base. Its absolutely gorgeous and I cant imagine having roots anywhere else. But things are changing. Seattle has expanded so much, that the city life has lost its allure. My mother is selling our family house (its about damn time, really). I won’t even be able to return to the house I spent nearly half of my life in. I no longer have my apartment I loved so much. Or a job.
You will never know if its truly the right decision
And thats okay. There are so many what-ifs and maybes and possibilities. Who the hell knows anymore. But for me it came down to ‘what if I don’t?’. And that was scarier than anything else.
I say this all without feeling homesick yet, though I’m sure that will follow. A short visit home this summer should help get me through. Regardless, I am so grateful for everyone who helped make my last few weeks so amazing.
Here are a few more gems from my final days:
I may have left just before the best of everything in Seattle. Seriously, our summers are incredible. But it was exactly when I needed to.
Some things don’t have to make sense. Sometimes they just have to feel right.
It’s not goodbye, it’s see ya later.