My stress at 29 isn’t what you think

The anxiety has officially set in and it looks like 29 is the magic number. But my looming 30th birthday isn’t what I am referring to.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m leaving.

I’m moving to a foreign country and leaving everything I know behind.

I thought I was handling everything so well. I was a mixture of excited and ready but of course a little stressed. But I didn’t sleep at all last night or the night before. I tossed and turned and went over all the things that could go wrong.

What if something is wrong with my visa? What is there is an issue getting across the border to catch my flight from Canada? Or if I miss my flight? Will I get a job right way? Will I like my roommates? What if I can’t connect to Auckland the same way I couldn’t connect to Rincon. Did I make a mistake leaving my job? Is this the best decision?

But aren’t the “what ifs” exactly the reason I’m leaving?

I have to take a few deep breaths and remember the big picture. Every excuse I came up with I as able to shoot down rather quickly. I thought about my worst case scenario, and it turns out, it wasn’t that bad. I knew I could live with myself if I came home broke and tired, but I couldn’t live with myself for never trying.

Yes I am leaving a place that I love, but also a place I have fallen out of love with.

I wasn’t happy in my job or my career projection, even though 3 years ago I would not have been so sure. But a lot changes as you get older and you learn to realign your priorities. Travel makes me happy and I have been procrastinating for years. I know that this experience is going to be amazing. And I will get to live an intentional life of purpose and excitement.

I am done here in Seattle, at least for now.

I honestly thought my 30th birthday would freak me out. The truth is, I cannot think of a better way to start my 30th year. I get to move somewhere I have never been. I’ll meet new people who are different from me with new ideas about life. And no reason to stay, is a good reason to go.

I will learn, I will grow and I will adventure. My to-do list will get done. I have budgeted correctly. And I will not fall on my face.

I committed to being happy and nothing less. Which means I am going to make the most of this adventure.

I just hope I haven’t pulled all my hair out by the time my flight lands. 

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